I Like Inarizushi
by Riyo Shiban
Summary: Renji and Byakuya have never gotten along famously, but the fact remains: they do have to deal with each other a lot. Byakuya has nothing to eat for lunch, how generous is Renji? Drabble, oneshot.
1. I Like Inarizushi!

Why does almost everything said have three periods in front of it? ...I use that to implement awkwardness amongst the speaker and the spoken to. The _italics_ are for when a word is _stressed_. Unless it has 'these' around it, then it's a '_thought_'. **Bold**, ALL CAPITAL or **BOTH** mean yelling and emphasis. Important things are underlined.

I often get worried that no one knows this stuff, even though I bet almost everyone does. Just for reference, don't be afraid, go back to reading Harry Potter or whatever. Or listening to Fallout Boy. Fallout Boy is good.

Also, on the note of Byakuya, it seems the more I write for him the more of a complete softy he becomes.

It's sad, really.

One more thing! Inarizushi is a type of sushi, I think it's sweet or something. Google it if you want more details. Onigiri is a ball of rice wraped in nori(seaweed) and it often has Ume( plum) inside of it. It's better then it sounds, mark my words.

* * *

"The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. " 

**-Carl Jung (1875 - 1961)**

* * *

"Good morning."

"Yeah."

Conversations between the sixth captain and the sixth vice captain where lucky to be this long.

* * *

The Kuchiki house had a total of fifteen maids working, constantly, in its residence. The Kuchiki only employed maids with no spiritual power whatsoever because, as Renji had put it when Rukia had told him this, they where too cheep to feed them. When a maid did turn out to have spiritual powers, they where promptly fired.

And that was the case with Fudokawa Akiko. When Byakuya found young Akiko levitating a bento box into her employer's knapsack, she was soon unemployed.

But, the real problem lay ahead.

Where in the world was Byakuya going to get another cook?

* * *

"Matsumoto-san says, " Renji popped his head into Byakuya's office, "that if you don't come down for lunch in the next three seconds, she is going to kill you." Renji paused, "End message."

Byakuya raised an eyebrow. Matsumoto Rangiku had recently gotten in the mind set that if every single captain wasn't at the lunch room at the same time, the world would end, "Tell her I'm not coming to lunch today."

Renji disappeared. He was quite good at that, except for the string of curses that escaped often from his mouth, this time along the lines of '_Freakin' Matsumoto, what do I look like, a freakin' messenger?_'

In a few minuets he was back.

"She says she _really_ is going to kill you." Renji's head slid back inside the sliding-doors.

"... Tell her I'm not coming to lunch." Byakuya was starting to anger. For an emotional rock, this was a daring and accomplished feat.

"I already _did._"

Few moments passed in silence.

"...do you even have a lunch?" Said Renji, spotting the absence of a bento-shaped lump in Byakuya's knapsack (Or as Renji and Rukia liked to call it behind Byakuya's back, a 'Man-purse').

"...No."

"...Why?"

"I fired our cook." Byakuya said this in a totally normal way, but Renji found it preposterous.

"You can't cook food at all, can you?"

"...No."

"Did you try to get Rukia to cook for you?" Renji had learned long ago not to laugh about such things in his captain's presence.

"Have you ever tried her cooking?"

"...Good point." Renji nodded, then stood and walked away.

He was back in a few seconds.

"...Well, are you coming?"

"I _said_ I'm not going to lunch." Byakuya had always hated repeating himself.

"And I _though_ I made it perfectly clear _I_ was going to buy lunch for you." Renji added.

"So you think I can't buy lunch for myself?" Renji often wondered how Byakuya could turn anything into an insult.

"I _know_ you can't, your stupid pride stops you," Renji really had no room to talk; His pride was the dumbest in a four mile radius, "So I'll buy for you."

Byakuya's anger lever shot from eight to twelve in five seconds. Renji knew this because a large vein was pulsing on his forehead.

"Consider it an IOU for the last time you kicked my ass." Renji's stupid pride hurt.

"Fine." Byakuya's temper vein subsided.

They walked into the hall, towards the lunch room.

"I like Inarizushi." Byakuya stated.

"_DON'T GET COCKY!_" Renji's stupid pride bled.

* * *

"So... why did you buy my brother lunch?" Eating Onigiri in a tree, Rukia asked Renji a question.

"...If Matsumoto-san killed him," Renji, eating Onigiri on a lightly closer-to-the-ground branch of the same tree, replyed, "I could not fight him."

Rukia knew that if Renji was going to use a lie as pale as that, she was never going to get the real answer to her question.

* * *

"Good morning."

"Yeah."

Conversations between the sixth captain and the sixth vice captain where lucky to be this short.

* * *

It's along the lines of _Conversation Topics_ but I'm not quite as disappointed. Yippie!

Please tell me what you think!

**_If you review, Renji will buy you lunch, too. But that doesn't make you 6th squad captain, oh, no._**

Renji: What do you think I am, _made of money_?


	2. Extra Chapter: Curry Tornado

Eh-em. You didn't think there would be a second chapter, huh? well, foo you!

This would never actually happen in the universe of bleach, the personalities are way too different, but I wanted to write this.

Also, I looked up the profiles Kubo Tite wrote for Renji and Byakuya, and it turns out Byakuya like spicy foods...? oookay... But Renji doesn't like spicy food. He like Teriyaki. Oh, Fanfic idea! Bwahahaha!

**boopkit**: Thanks!

**Snowmane**: Bean curd... eww...well, thanks!

**Aurora of the Moon**: Thanks! Yay, Okashi!

**Moonlight Chaos**: I know Byakuya is way OOC, but thanks!

**Dawnie**: Renji fans unite under one common goal! Cloning him. Heh... well, yes, the captain's ego often kills small animals. BY ACCIDENT!

**hatakechie**: Thank you!

**Ray**: ...Yeah... Thanks for reviewing! Heh...

**Hyourinmaru**: I am so aware I use too much poetic license. I'm sorry! This whole chapter is a bleeding mass of Poetic license! Whoo... yes, well, backpack is relative to man-purse. yes, it is. I would know. Thanks!

**Anon**: Thank you so much! I really love being funny in my fics!

**anGeL Hinaningyou**: Wha! Genius? I'm not so sure, but my self esteem just shot up eight points!

**Psycho-CJ**: Yes. Poor Renji. Matsumoto picks on him too much!

**Momiro-chan**: Ohh! Thanks for the fav!

* * *

"If A is success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut. "

**-Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955)**, _Observer, Jan. 15, 1950_

* * *

The Kuchiki household had almost everything you could possibly one at almost any given time. If you where in a bookish mood, there where books. If you where in a hawkish mood, there where weapons. If you where in a cooking mood, there where pots, pans, and various weirdo ingredients. 

Kuchiki Rukia is in a cooking mood. Because it was one of those rare days when Byakuya had the day off that he actually decided to take the day off, Byakuya already knew this. Because when she walked down the long, long hallway that was the Kuchiki mansion, she was humming. Byakuya stuffed his head into his pillow.

Rukia turned the corner. Illustrious Kuchiki kitchen, that was kept running at all time in case anyone ever had a midnight craving for random food items (_Chooooclate..._), Had three maids running around in it. Rukia had no idea what any of their names where. Neither did Byakuya. No one did. Rukia had serious doubts if the maids even knew what their names where.

Because of these misunderstandings, And Byakuya's general apathy of all things with a pulse, Rukia had invented names to call them by. After a wile, none of the maids responded to 'Hey! You! With the cake!' anymore, so everyone, Even Byakuya, ended up using the special names Rukia made.

The names where, "Ichiban", "Niban" and "Sanban", meaning "Number one", "Number two" and "Number three".

"Niban-san, I feel like cooking today." Rukia smiled.

Niban backed away a little bit.

"Could you give me some ingredients?"

Niban nodded vigorously.

* * *

Renji was asleep. It was also his day off, the difference being that Renji took all of his off days off. Everyone knew that. Except for the rather slow Rikichi _(A/N: No an OC, a rather small, small character who follows Renji around. He's the one who can't take care of the hell butterfly, remember?)._

"Renji-san!" Rikichi banged rather than knocked on Renji's door, "Renji-san, wake up!"

"Why should I!" Renji yelled back.

"Because you have work to do!"

There was a pause.

"No..."

"Un?" Rikichi was confused.

"...Rikichi...-san..."

Another pause.

"_It's my day off!_"

* * *

Renji, angry because he had been woken up early on the one day he almost always used to sleep 'till seven at night, walked down the hallway.

What was he going to do today?

Um...

"I'll go bother Rukia!"

* * *

Rukia wasn't a bad cook. She was a mediocre cook. The food was okay, not great. She was actually pretty good at cooking for someone who had never had any real formal training. Her skills failed her in the realm of tea-making, and she knew that. For that reason she would serve her poison-tasting tea to people she felt like annoying.

But she could cook spicy food fine. Why? Because Niisama likes spicy food!

* * *

Renji, standing in front of the Kuchiki mansion, could smell curry. Eww, curry. Renji pinched his nose shut. Renji hated curry. And, really, anything all that spicy.

Renji was quite aware that his captain had the day off today. Ever since it had become common knowlege that they had almost killed each other, all of their 'day-off' dates had been, ever so myteriously, on the same day. Renji guessed this ever so tactically retarded move was meant to encourage 'bonding'.

Renji also knew that Byakuya, in fear of 'bonding', very rarely used his days off, and often went into work anyway. This was the only reason Renji had the moxy to go to the Kuchiki mansion. He thought that Byakuya wasn't here.

* * *

"What are you..." Byakuya looked at the kitchen, pots, pans, and various other items askew across the floor, "...Cooking?"

"Curry noodles!" Rukia chirped.

Byakuya nodded slowly, "Ichiban, Niban, why don't you help Rukia...clean..." Byakuya was a neat freak.

"Hai, Byakuya-sama!" Ichiban and Niban said in practiced synchronization.

"Done!" Rukia sparkled with evident happiness, "Here, niisama!"

Byakuya almost backed away. They didn't _look_ like curry noodles.

"Oi." Renji walked in through the window like it was the most normal thing in the world, "Wow, what happened here? A curry tornado?" then he spotted Byakuya. His right eye twitched.

"...I made curry." Rukia held up the bowl.

Renji twitched again.

"...okay..." Renji nodded, "I'm gonna leave now..."

Byakuya ate some of the curry. Renji recognized this as a challenge!

"...Wait." Renji stopped backing out of the aforementioned window, "I'll try some of that."

* * *

About three hours later, all of the curry was gone. Even though Byakuya had not originally mean his consumption of semi-edible food products as a challenge, he soon recognized that Renji though it was. And Byakuya, the Kuchiki heir, would not lose to his own vice captain!

Rukia, on the sidelines the entire time, watched in confused awe as her food was consumed freakishly fast.

"Wow," she said, "I'm a good cook!"

* * *

Yeah, so, I know. That would never happen. Everyone is OOC. I know. But it was so much fun to write! 

_**REVIEW OR RENJI WILL TRY TO COOK. AND HE'S WORSE THAN RUKIA!**_

Renji: Hey!


End file.
